What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize