dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
