I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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