Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
