Don't you send me to vm
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
