I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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