I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
