she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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