So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
