I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
that's an acceptable place to lick
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
