Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
