I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
