hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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