The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
