Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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