Whod you bang
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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