wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
