ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
