But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
