wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
