tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
