Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We just shotgunned beers for America
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
