Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
