dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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