I hate all girls vehemently.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize