When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
soo... how was my night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
