I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
