And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
