His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
