i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
