Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
