Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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