I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
