Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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