hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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