when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
