do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
