Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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