Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
