My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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