I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
