We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
