me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
