god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
