Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
