dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize