BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And then he peed in my hair
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