i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
