i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize