So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
