You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
