If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
