so that wasnt chicken after all
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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