I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
