im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
