wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize