I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
