I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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