I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize