What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
