In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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