he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't deserve a penis
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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