Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
