I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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