i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize