What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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