omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize